WAR ON JUNK: Home

A DYSTOPIAN SATIRE

THAT PUTS THE “UGH” BACK INTO “DONUT”

SYNOPSIS

In response to rampant obesity, the U.S. government declares a war on junk food.

Authorities investigate salt addicts. Candy wrappers and barbeque grills are confiscated as paraphernalia. Pre-employment urine screenings test for illicit food traces. Fast-food felons receive ten-year federal prison sentences. Insulin is outlawed because legislators want to avoid sending mixed messages about sugar abuse. Police are charged with corruption for doughnut possession. Military forces are dispatched to Africa to destroy chocolate-producing cocoa fields. To discourage street gangs like the Ice Cream Crew and the Hot Dog Homeboys, officials post Neighborhood Weight-Watch signs in suburbs across the nation.

JUNK is a riotous exploration of prohibition. The novel unfolds through the eyes of disparate characters who collide with hilarious and harrowing results:

Officer Justin Bailey — a cop torn between public safety and common sense
Billy Sweet — a legitimate baker turned black-market profiteer
Reverend Moe Goodman — a food-abuse counselor with a gun and a mission
Paulina — a teenage convict in an exercise boot camp
Kyle Frankfurt — a bloated junk food junkie hell-bent on eating himself to death
Farah C. Forbes — a Tammy Faye wannabe who despises Willy Wonka
George Mabry — one of seven American diabetics allowed to use insulin
The Candy Man — a psychotic smuggler who will murder to keep his product illegal
Sugar — a hyperactive Doberman with a taste for confections and blood

Lest anyone think that it’s all a dark fantasy, JUNK is peppered with poignant “mockuments” from the War on Junk Food, including court records, news articles, and letters from prison — all culled from actual drug-war headlines and documents.

Click here to play “Wrappers,” a song by Joe Bauer, a.k.a. Boris Bellyache, featured in the book and recorded live at Kharma Cafe in Denton, TX, complete with audience sing-along and raucous applause (MP3 file, 3.5 MB)